Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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