How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
