for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
