Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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