I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
