I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this boner is exhausting
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
