Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
