im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
