i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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