if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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