Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
two words: eviction party
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
