I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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