We won't sleep together?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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