Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
