at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
