there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
