Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
