we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
