its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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