Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
