Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
