no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
