That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How's work?
Spinning.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't deserve a penis
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize