I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
