I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
