is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
