Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
