So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
