So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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