omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
