So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
