I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
