i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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