areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
