so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm having to shit out rocks
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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