I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize