Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
