just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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