I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This house was built for laser tag.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
