First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize