Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
