Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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