New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
In America we eat man semen.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
