You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
