He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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