hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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