yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I want is dick and wine.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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