you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
