i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
