i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She announced her abortion via fbk
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
