I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
