while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
