My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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