he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
