You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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