Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
