i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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