So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
