haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pants are for mortals
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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