I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
