you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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