Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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