i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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