just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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