If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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