ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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