Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She bit a glass in half.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
