we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
