How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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