You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
