I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
