She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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